Motormouth's words of wisdom, pt. 1

"When you go out on a date with a girl, you take her to a scary movie. When she gets scared she will put her arms around you and hug you, then she will kiss you."

Breathe easy ladies, that Mother of the Year award is still up for grabs.

As a mom, I worry about not doing a good enough job. This week as I started school and picked up a couple of extra shifts at work, I have worried that things are going to start falling through the cracks, that I have taken on too much and I am not up for the challenge. It only took one phone call with my mother-in-law to realize that my fears have come true.

MIL- I just wanted to go over the menu for this weekend. I was going to buy a cupcake mix for the boys. Is that okay?

Me- um. sure. that would be great.

MIL- Well....I know you aren't going to be there Monday, so should the boys eat them Sunday?

Me- (why would I care........???) I guess it doesn't really matter, whenever you want.

MIL- So.......(probably wondering why her daughter in law is insane) I guess we should celebrate Monkey's birthday on Sunday so you can be there.

Me-................................oh my God.

That'll give you something to tell your teacher on the first day of school.

Motormouth is eating breakfast and G is getting ready for work.

Motormouth: Daddy, you need to get a new tattoo, you haven't gotten one in a while.

(Is G paying this kid?)

G: I'm thinking about it, bud. It has been a while, but haven't decided what to get yet.

Motormouth: a skull. That is what I'm going to get, a skull and crossbones.

Me: I don't think so.

Motormouth: Mom! you don't even have any tattoos, so you don't know.

Me: sure I do, they are just natural ones.

Motormouth: huh?

Me: (lifting my shirt to show him the stretch marks on my belly) These are my tattoos. I got them when I was pregnant with you.

Motormouth: Wow...............that's a lot of tattoos.

What I meant was, it would have been the best if you WERE in it.

Motormouth: Mom, I had the best dream last night. I dreamed that I was married to Anneke, and we had a baby, and I kissed her.

Me: Anneke or the baby?

Motormouth: Anneke. I was kissing her, but then I woke up and I was kissing my pillow. It was the best dream ever!! You weren't in it!!

Ask a stupid question....

Monkey comes out of his bedroom this morning and sees me in the living room.

Monkey: (all happy) Mommy!! (runs to give me a big hug) Mommy! I so happy to see you!!

Motormouth: what if she wasn't really your mommy?

Me: Motormouth! Be nice. How would you like it if someone told you I wasn't really YOUR mommy?

Motormouth: (no hesitation) Then could I go live with Grandma! Oohhh! could Grandma be my Mom? Can she???

Why again to I take my kids into public?

Motormouth got the pleasure of going with me to buy books for my classes at the campus bookstore.

Motormouth: (eyeing the 4 books I am carrying to the cash register) Those are way heavier than my school books.

Me: yes, and your school just gives your's to you, I have to buy mine.

Motormouth: really? That's weird.

Me: not really, I am paying to go to school, so it sort of makes sense that I would have to pay for books too. You pay for school when it is your choice to go. It's free when you have to go.

Motormouth: Why would anyone pay to go to school?

The cashier rings me up and gives me the slip to sign.

Motormouth: (reading the reciept) 415 DOLLARS???? THAT'S CRAZY!!

Lady behind us: Preach it, little man.

My Point Exactly

I overheard this exchange between Motormouth and Sgt. G today as Sgt. G walked in the door from work.

Motormouth: Daddy, why does your face look like that?

Sgt. G: huh?

Motormouth: Your forehead is all scrunched up and it makes these lines....it makes you look mad.

Sgt. G: I don't know what you are talking about, this is my regular face.

Motormouth: I KNOW......but you always look grumpy.