Saturday, January 23, 2010

You should pick your study buddies wisely.

"Mom, I can help you with your math when we get home if you want" Motormouth announces from the backseat as we drive home from the video store. Maybe he sincerely wants to spend time with me, maybe he is feeling bad that the movie he just rented was $5 and he is finally starting realize how long it takes to save up $5 and he feels he owes me something in exchange for me shelling out the money for his rental. I don't have the heart to tell him that I was happy to spend the money, it is a cheap babysitter so I can have an hour and a half to myself to do my homework without "help". "That's okay bud, I can do the math part of my Chemistry homework all by myself, but maybe I'll let you help me study for my Anatomy class. I am going to have to know all the bones in the body and there are hundreds". Motormouth as been working on making a three dimensional skeleton constructed completely of white paper and tape. Why? Who knows, this is what the kid does for fun. "Hundreds of bones?" Motormouth worries, "mine doesn't have that many....and we are out of tape" Trying to avoid a trip to the store, I assure him that his skeleton looks great just as it is. "Mom, you don't need to worry about all the bones, it will be easy. Just remember: the foot bone is connected to the leg bone, the leg bone is connected to the......other leg bone, the other leg bone is connected to the body bone...."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

He looked so insulted, but it felt good.

G called to inform me that he got orders today. Scared me half to death, thought he was getting stationed someplace else. No, he finally got his orders for his promotion to from Sergeant to Staff Sergeant (hooah for pay raises). G comes home and says the following:

G: Man, my chest hurts.

Me: What?! You had your promotion ceremony today? (*if the thread of this conversation makes no sense to you I have provided an "Army for Dummies" footnote*) Without me? That's nice.

G: I've been wearing the rank for a while now, just didn't have the orders. It wasn't really a ceremony, we sort of skipped all of that.

Me: and went straight to punching you in the chest? Fantastic. I would like to actually go to one of your promotion ceremonies someday.

G: I'm sorry babe, would you like to punch me in the chest?

Me: *sulking* no..............yes.

*Here's a brief explanation of a little piece of Army lore for those of you who don't readily know what a promotion ceremony consists of. There is a stuffy little ceremony, some higher up says a few words and reads whatever is written on the certificate they give you. Your spouse is invited and they take some pictures. THEN everyone takes a turn pounding your rank onto your chest. This was a little more barbaric when the Army had pin-on rank. G came home after making Specialist with multiple puncture wounds spaced a half inch apart set inside the ugliest bruise I've ever seen. Now the rank Velcro's to your shirt and it isn't as fun for all those who are the 'pounders'. So to compensate they just hit the 'poundee' harder.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

You didn't earn THAT many bonus points.

Motormouth: Mom, the TV is on the same channel as it was this morning. Either you watched cartoons on Boomerang or you didn't watch TV at ALL today.

Me: Which do you think is more likely?

Motormouth: Awww, man. you didn't watch anything. That sucks.

(We will skip the conversation we had about how that word isn't going to fly in this house, my heart wasn't really in it, since halfway through I realized my love for the word. Motormouth showed some real restraint by not pointing out that fact, and he gets some major points for that)

Me: yeah, poor me. How did I ever survive?

Motormouth: (sincerely) I'm really sorry mom, that must have been really boring. If I have a snow day tomorrow you can watch TV in your bedroom all day.

Me: yeah, that's the way it will go.