Thursday, March 26, 2009

Just leave the seat up. You win. I admit defeat and you win.

On the days I work in the morning, I usually try to squeeze in a nap while the kids are in school. The dog usually wakes me up by barking like crazy 2 feet from my face because Motormouth is coming through the I am already a ray of sunshine while trying to deal with Motormouth's incessant chattering and questions. Motormouth came in clutching some Red Vines and asked to trade for some candy that he can actually eat (let me say right here how amazing I think this kid is that he will hold candy that he isn't supposed to eat all the way home on the bus while all the other kids are eating theirs because he knows he isn't supposed to eat it- how many 9 year olds would do that? He gets so much credit for that, but apparently, that credit does not transfer) He makes a trade, I eat the Red Vines and tell him to wash his hands before he eats his candy. He goes to the bathroom and washes his hands and wanders off. I then go in to use the bathroom after him.....and somehow manage to channel my mother. In my defense for the following exchange...this would be the third time in as many days that his father and I have talked to him about this.


Motormouth: Whoops

Me: Do you realize that when you do that you get pee all over the seat and so then Mommy sits in it???


Me: (practically whispering) I'll give you a head start.

Motormouth: What?

Me: Go. Now. Run. Now. Away.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Your next wife will hate that.

Sgt. G: I have been thinking about what tattoo I want for my birthday.

Me: forget it. We can't afford, and I refuse to look at an entire sleeve of RealTree camouflage.

Sgt. G: Okay, well seriously then, I am thinking some sort of military tribute tat on my calf.

Me: mmm, I don't know. I think it is strange to have tattoos where you have hair, you can't really see the tattoo.

Sgt. G: Well, then I will just get your name.

Me: over your heart?

Sgt. G: I was thinking more of on my back, since that would be more symbolic.

Me: I think you should take the advice your mom gave last summer, give it a few years, see if this whole marriage thing works out.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Keep digging, you're going to need a ladder and a flashlight.

Sgt. G: Oh, guess who's wife at work is having a baby?

Me: Just tell me....your kidding! First Chris and Sarah (our pseudo-siblings) and now them. *sigh* Everyone is having a baby but me.

Sgt. G: Which is as it should be.

Me: (herding naked Monkey into the bathtub where he belongs) I want a baby.

Sgt. G: What?

Me: (poking my head around the corner) I said I want a baby.

Sgt. G: Do you have any idea how much that would hurt ME? didn't just seriously say that to me.

Sgt. G: (realizing his mistake, and trying hard to backpedal) Well, it would hurt me, for about a week if they did the reversal, and then another week to have the whole thing redone. You are talking about cutting my junk here.

Me: Seriously, a whole week? and a tiny little incision? do you realize who you are talking to?

Sgt. G: (watching me try to dry off a slippery Monkey as he dances naked around the living room) Aren't you outnumbered enough?

Me: Don't change the subject. *sigh* I could just go out to Chris and Sarah's and kidnap their baby for a while.

Sgt. G: I'll buy you a plane ticket.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Let the circle be unbroken

After getting my second refusal letter in a row for medical tests I had done from our insurance company, I gave in and called to get the mess straightened out.
Do I have my authorization for treatment and the refusal to pay statements together? Check.
Do I have enough time to wait on hold right now? Check.
Enough patience and energy to deal with bureaucrats? Apparently not.
I will summarize so you don't fall asleep from sheer boredom. They were refusing to pay because my social security number was "incorrect" on the forms; which means it was MY social security number and not Sgt. G's. The stupid woman is arguing with me about where his social security number needs to be. I think if it asks for the patient's SS#, the doctor's office and hospital were both correct in putting my # there. They had then put Sgt. G's SS# in where it asked for the policy holder's SS#. This would make sense to anybody, right? Not to my Tricare lady. She is not allowed to make that connection on her own and needs Sgt. G's social where mine is. Okay, whatever.

Me: So, can you guarantee that when this paperwork comes back to Tricare that it will come back to you personally?

Tricare lady: No, but I assure you, it will be fine.

Me: Really? Because I am pretty sure that most insurance claims people would wonder why my husband needed a PAP smear and an ultrasound to check for breast cancer.

To top all this off, when I called the hospital to have them make the changes and re-bill my insurance, the hospital billing department woman responded with this:
"Tricare has denied payment already? Well isn't that interesting. We haven't billed them yet."

And the Circle of Absurdity is complete.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Apparently, my maternal instinct keeps office hours.

Sgt. G: Can you take Motormouth to the bus stop this morning? I brought a Gov home and he can't sit in it. (G is very nice and lets Motormouth sit in his warm truck every morning waiting for the bus)

Me: The bus stop? It's the end of the driveway, and it is nice out today, he can stand out there by himself.

Sgt. G: Isn't it raining?

Me: Doesn't look like it, he has a hood just in case.

Sgt. G: I thought moms were supposed to be all nurturing and overprotective.

Me: It's 7a.m.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Monkey update

I just got a call from Monkey's new teacher at his new school. He started there today and he and I were there at 0800 this morning to check it out and sign paperwork. Turns out that he had a really great day, and was very active and engaged in everything. He did calendar and small groups and music was happy about it all. Until he earned his 4 stars (the magic number that lets him play the Wii at home). then he was done. He wouldn't sit for ending circle and was just running around. they tried to lure him with earning another star, but he just informed them that he already had his 4. :). So, she is going to bump him up to 5 stars and I reminded her that nothing works better than taking one of those stars away. So, anyway. good first day, better than anyone hoped, and I am glad they are figuring him out so quickly. He even asked one of the girls to come back and play with him and she did, so that was a big thing for him! This week is starting out pretty good, and I needed that!