I have to get out of here...

I was born and raised in Michigan. I married a Michigander, and even gave birth to one. That does not mean that this is where I belong. If given the choice, I would be someplace a little farther south. I have no problem with gun racks in pickups. I can have long, roundabout conversations with perfect strangers, I call it soda, not pop, tea is only tea if it is sweet, and I can drop this Yankee accent and drawl, y'all. I even encouraged my husband to join the Army, where most of the bases are located: yep, in the south. Yet, here I am...back HERE. And finally, it is Spring. How do I know that it is Spring? I don't need a calendar. I know it is the first day of Spring because after about a week and a half of t-shirt weather we woke up this morning to this:



This is how we do Spring up north, (y'all). My kids, showing their innocence to true Michigan weather, were actually surprised. Maybe they will get lucky and get to hunt their Easter eggs in the snow too, since anyone who was actually "raised" here can claim that tradition.
As for me, until Spring comes, you know, at the end of May, I will channel my inner garden gnome and sing the following song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArQ46Y5VqHI

He ran into the bathroom to fart. I guess that's progress.

Two months ago I had the following conversation with my 10 year old son:
Me: Wash your hands.
Motormouth: okay...(out in 5 seconds)
Me: That was not long enough, did you use soap?
Motormouth: um, no. you didn't say soap.
Me: Go back and do it again. And dude, every time I say "wash your hands" it means "wash your hands with soap" Every time. The use of soap is implied. Every time.
Motormouth: (eyes wide with shock) OOOOH. okay.

Last month I had the following conversation with my 10 year old son:
Me: Wash your hands.
Motormouth: okay...(out in 5 seconds)
Me: That was not long enough, did you use soap?
Motormouth: um, no. you didn't say soap.
Me: Go back and do it again. And dude, every time I say "wash your hands" it means "wash your hands with soap" Every time. The use of soap is implied. Every time.
Motormouth: (eyes wide with shock) OOOOH. okay.

Yesterday I had the following conversation with my 10 year old son:
Me: Wash your hands.
Motormouth: okay...(out in 5 seconds)
Me: That was not long enough, did you use soap?
Motormouth: um, no. you didn't say soap.
Me: Go back and do it again. And dude, every time I say "wash your hands" it means "wash your hands with soap" Every time. The use of soap is implied. Every time.
Motormouth: (eyes wide with shock) OOOOH. okay.

Yesterday I also had to make this boy rebrush his teeth and his father made him rewash his hair in the shower. Motormouth is upset because he can't convince us that 10 seconds of half hearted brushing gets your teeth clean, or that your hair can be dry in spots and still have been cleaned. Go figure. I can't figure out how these germy, dirty, happy-to-wallow-in-their-own-filth creatures ever end up getting a woman to agree to spend the rest of their lives under the same roof. At some point they must learn to cut their own toenails and bathe themselves and have fresh breath and keep their dirty socks off the kitchen table, right? Because dear God, if they can't manage to do those things, I hope they don't think that they can live with me forever.

Why I like Facebook.

I gave up Facebook for Lent. I thought maybe I would find a better use for my time if I wasn't mindlessly playing bejeweled blitz, or yakking with my "friends". Turns out, I haven't. But I have discovered a couple things which I find interesting. Facebook wasn't taking me away from my kids. I'm still glued to a textbook, or reading the "news" online, watching TV or on the phone. I'm just as distracted as I was before, just with different stuff. I've decided that I help the kids with their homework, dance with them in the living room, talk to them about their day, play games with them and read them stories at night. (Side note: This is way more interaction and quality time than we have ever had before, because my kids are spending more time outside of their own heads than ever before, but we all still need that time inside our own heads). It is okay for them to wait their turn when I am doing something else, and that something else doesn't always have to be 'important', it can also be something as trivial as "me time" (FYI, "me time" is certainly not trivial, if done right it helps you remember who you are as an actual person, and that makes you a better mommy). Like everything else in life, it just comes down to balance. My short time without Facebook is making me realize that there are worse ways to spend my time. As you know, you can read a vast assortment of articles online about every topic imaginable and then comment on them. I never really paid attention to the comments before, but started reading some of them in the past week or so. It's possible that there are some intellectual cyberspace conversations going on out there somewhere- I just haven't stumbled across them. What an incredibly vapid, toxic, petty drama you can involve yourself in with complete strangers. No thanks. I would rather read comments and respond to people I actually know, in a relatively drama free environment. I miss you Facebook, and my little sense of cybercommunity. I have had some interesting introspection going on during Lent, which I appreciate. I'm realizing the things I want to let go, the things I want to be better at, and what kind of person I want to try to be. This is no small thing and I am grateful for the insight. However, I'll be coming home after Lent, and can't wait to catch up with everyone. Until then, know that I am thinking about all of you, and have spent time praying for everyone on my friends list and for the things I know are going on in your lives, and the things I don't know are going on. Oh, to finish on a weird, random thought: I find myself writing status updates in my head, even though I have no outlet for them. That's only a little strange, right?

Random things that happened on our trip to Chicago

1. We pack enough electronics to entertain 10 people. We also pack enough food to survive in our car for a week.

2. My husband bought cubed ham for the kids to eat in case we couldn't find food for them. The brand? Olde Kentucky Ham. Why? because he doesn't read my blog...or maybe he does and he is trying to torture me.

3. Our Tom Tom hates us. Why else would it takes us on a scenic tour of downtown Gary, Indiana and straight into downtown Chicago just to make us go back out to our destination in a NW suburb?

4. There is a McDonalds in the middle of the highway, the drivethru lane is right next to the lane for the turnpike. We almost got in the wrong lane.

5. We got to about the Loop in Chi-town when Monkey decided he wanted to go home. NOW.

6. The mall across the street where I had to go to buy the "discounted" tickets for the Lego Discovery Zone has 3 levels.

7. No one asked to see our tickets upon entering the Discovery Zone. I could have saved over $40 bucks and a trip into the 3 story mall on the first nice Saturday afternoon of the year.

8. Monkey threw a fit for no less than 1/2 hour before he would enter the Zone. Why does no one call the police when they see a woman pinning a child into a corner in a parking garage while he begs her to let him go?

9. We missed one of the toll booths on the turnpike. I wonder if they just mail us a ticket and how much it costs to skip paying the $.80 toll.

10. G informed me that he "didn't want to hear it anymore" when I complained that he was going to fast.

11. 20 minutes later he informed me that "I was right" just before the state trooper flipped on his lights and pulled us over.

12. Cops must be able to smell each other, G never gets a ticket.

The best laid plans.

G comes home tonight and I am excited. Finally going to get back to our version of "normal". When I am begging someone else to get up with the kids in the morning so I can "sleep in" until 0700...I won't be talking to myself!! Yeah! In fact, I am so excited that I wanted to do something to celebrate. I settled on taking the kids to the Lego Discovery Center in Chicago. We took to the LegoLand a couple times when we lived in Germany and the only one in the states is in California, so this is the next best thing as far as lego excitment goes. I talked to G and he was up for it, even though it meant more time in the car after driving home from Missouri tonight. I worked out how to feed the kids in a place that doesn't allow outside food brought in (they will if you ask nicely), crunched numbers on ticket prices (day pass vs. yearly pass) and even looked at hotels in case we wanted Lego fun two days in a row (Lego Weekend Extravaganza!!! What on earth did we do before we had kids....I'm trying to remember). The only crimp in the plan was that I needed to feed the neighbors rabbits this weekend, which would be fine, I would just have to do it Saturday morning and when we got home Sunday night.

Then I remembered.

We. have. dogs.

And the people who watch them when we go out of town are:

You guessed it. The neighbors.

How do you forget that you own dogs?

It's not like we got them last week.

What are you lookin' at?

Yes, lady at the grocery store, I know that I stood in the card section and laughed out loud at the card I was reading. Okay, so I probably cackled, it was THAT funny. I know that I am in public and should use my inside voice, but a little courtesy would be nice. You don't have to look at me like I'm nuts. After all, when I walked past you 5 minutes ago in the pet food aisle and you were singing "you....are the sunshine of my liiiife" along with the overhead system and you pointed at me and gave a little wink, I just smiled back. It's polite not to pass judgement. Just smile and ignore the crazy.