Thursday, August 27, 2009

That'll give you something to tell your teacher on the first day of school.

Motormouth is eating breakfast and G is getting ready for work.

Motormouth: Daddy, you need to get a new tattoo, you haven't gotten one in a while.

(Is G paying this kid?)

G: I'm thinking about it, bud. It has been a while, but haven't decided what to get yet.

Motormouth: a skull. That is what I'm going to get, a skull and crossbones.

Me: I don't think so.

Motormouth: Mom! you don't even have any tattoos, so you don't know.

Me: sure I do, they are just natural ones.

Motormouth: huh?

Me: (lifting my shirt to show him the stretch marks on my belly) These are my tattoos. I got them when I was pregnant with you.

Motormouth: Wow...............that's a lot of tattoos.

Monday, August 24, 2009

What I meant was, it would have been the best if you WERE in it.

Motormouth: Mom, I had the best dream last night. I dreamed that I was married to Anneke, and we had a baby, and I kissed her.

Me: Anneke or the baby?

Motormouth: Anneke. I was kissing her, but then I woke up and I was kissing my pillow. It was the best dream ever!! You weren't in it!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ask a stupid question....

Monkey comes out of his bedroom this morning and sees me in the living room.

Monkey: (all happy) Mommy!! (runs to give me a big hug) Mommy! I so happy to see you!!

Motormouth: what if she wasn't really your mommy?

Me: Motormouth! Be nice. How would you like it if someone told you I wasn't really YOUR mommy?

Motormouth: (no hesitation) Then could I go live with Grandma! Oohhh! could Grandma be my Mom? Can she???

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why again to I take my kids into public?

Motormouth got the pleasure of going with me to buy books for my classes at the campus bookstore.

Motormouth: (eyeing the 4 books I am carrying to the cash register) Those are way heavier than my school books.

Me: yes, and your school just gives your's to you, I have to buy mine.

Motormouth: really? That's weird.

Me: not really, I am paying to go to school, so it sort of makes sense that I would have to pay for books too. You pay for school when it is your choice to go. It's free when you have to go.

Motormouth: Why would anyone pay to go to school?

The cashier rings me up and gives me the slip to sign.

Motormouth: (reading the reciept) 415 DOLLARS???? THAT'S CRAZY!!

Lady behind us: Preach it, little man.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My Point Exactly

I overheard this exchange between Motormouth and Sgt. G today as Sgt. G walked in the door from work.

Motormouth: Daddy, why does your face look like that?

Sgt. G: huh?

Motormouth: Your forehead is all scrunched up and it makes these makes you look mad.

Sgt. G: I don't know what you are talking about, this is my regular face.

Motormouth: I KNOW......but you always look grumpy.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Major life epiphanies win every time.

G gets home from work earlier this week, looking exhausted.

Sgt. G: Well. My day sucked.

Me: Really? Because I dealt with a screaming fit from Monkey that lasted for about 45 minutes.

Sgt. G: what is his deal lately?..........So, how is that new?

Me: He was naked and threatening to kill me.

Sgt. G: why was he naked?

Me: That's the part that concerns you? Thanks. So, you think your day beats death threats from a naked 6 year old? Try and top it.

Sgt. G: (sighs) I realized today that I spent most of the day trying to get a guy INTO the Army that as an M.P. I would have tried to get kicked OUT of the Army.

Me: win.

Get off my six.

Motormouth comes running out of his room "Mom!! There's a bug in my room. It fell out of a box and you have to get it!"

Me: A bug. Where is it?

Motormouth: At three o'clock.

Me: Say again?

Motormouth: It fell at my three o'clock

Me: Motormouth, do you know where your three o'clock is?

Motormouth: IN MY ROOM

Me: Pretend you are standing on a clock face. So here is 12, 3, 6 is behind you, and 9....make sense?

Motormouth: Oh, I just had heard it on a TV show with soldiers and stuff. Daddy says it too.

Me: Those are generally the kind of people who wouldn't need to call their mom to get the bug.

Motormouth: Get it, get it get it!!