Friday, February 26, 2010


I just want you all to know that I do appreciate the comments even though I gave up facebook for Lent. I do get an email when you comment, and I know I could reply to the email and it would post on my FB page, but that just seems a little like anyway. Thanks for reading, thanks for the support. I'm feeling extra cut off from all the other mommies right now, so it is much appreciated. If you click on the view original post link (I think it is there on the FB page somewhere....without looking I can't say for sure) it will take you to my blog and if you leave a comment there I can reply to you. If you don't, I'll get back to you after Easter. It's nice to know that you guys are all still out there somewhere....I miss you but am enjoying my non facebook time for the most part. Kids are good, G will be home in a week, and I get to go back to work on the 11th!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Just in case I needed more reassurance

This week of being home with not much to do has at least done one thing for me, it has made me realize that this is a good time for me to be going back to school. Between deployments, field exercises, moving, multiple diagnoses, PTSD, the loss of a baby, school IEP's, doctor's appointments and you know, all the "normal" stuff- I have been at a physical and emotional dead run for the past 8 years. I don't really know how to do "down-time". I feel at odds with myself and start to get a little depressed if I don't have something pressing to do...right now!! This frantic pace is the pace of my life and I don't know how to do it any other way.

Frankly, taking the time to slow down and just breathe seems to make me hyperventilate.

Which is just fine for now, I have a lot I want to get done in the next decade, so I'll use this drive to my advantage. With the kids in school a full day and both of them being successful and more independent and G being home more without looming deployments, I'm not stretched as thin on the home front as I was in the past and need something to consume my time and energy. Tonight I was reassured once again that it is good for me to be in school. Motormouth needs to study for a science quiz and asks if I can help him. I look over his study guide and burst out laughing. Sure kid, I can help you. Your entire study guide was on my Chemistry mid-term last week. And when you get to synthetic division, I can help you with that too. That's probably not until 5th grade though, right?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

It's a new day in Monkeyland.

Living in a house with a child with Autism is like living with a terrorist. You try your hardest not to let this little non-verbal dictator run your entire life, but it comes down to endurance. How many battles can you navigate before you eventually just fall over? You have to pick and choose your battles so you can make it through the entire day. You let some things go. You may let him walk to the car in bare feet because he refused to put on his shoes in the middle of winter. You may sit down and watch the same movie or cartoon at least once a day for months. You might let him turn the light on and off for an hour. It's all a balance of what you are willing to live with and what you have to stand your ground on. It's like parenting a toddler on steroids every day for years. Am I making the right choices? I have no idea. Will he grow up and become a person that HE can be proud of? I hope so. This morning was a huge turning point for us. Monkey didn't go to bed well last night, he gave me a hard time and ended up getting a consequence for his actions. The consequence was not getting to play computer this morning before school. As expected he didn't wake up well and was determined to let me know how angry he was. But I have to say he managed to pull it together after a very tense 20 minutes. He willingly got dressed and ate and even rushed to put his boots on when the bus came 7 minutes early. I still pray for the day that he can talk my ear off and tell me what is going on instead of these days of tantrums and tears. But I am cherishing mornings like this where he was able to pull himself out of that void and choose to play by his mother's rules.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Gray Area

Today Motormouth was telling me that his new best friend is no longer his friend because the friend lied to him. As I was encouraging Motormouth to give his friend another chance, that friends forgive and it would be sad to lose such a good friend, I realized how ridiculous what I was saying was. After all, I have been teaching Motormouth that lying is a terrible, hurtful thing to do. It makes people not like you or trust you. Lying is my pet peeve and Motormouth knows that I can forgive a whole lot of things as long as he is truthful. So, why defend his friend? I have no idea. By shrugging off his friend's lie am I teaching him that lying shouldn't be considered a big deal? His friend's little lie falls into that huge gray area that is so hard to explain to young children. I have to tell you, I hate that gray area. I don't like exceptions to rules. Sure the exception is what makes the rule, and what makes life so wonderfully complex. It also makes life exhausting. Ask any parent who's child is in the "why?" phase. The gray area stinks like moldy cheese.

Rule: Never, ever talk to a stranger, or take candy from a stranger
Exception: Except at Christmas, when not only will we let you talk to a stranger, we want you to sit on his lap, ask for toys and take candy from him while we take your picture.

Rule: Your body is precious and is not any one's property. It belongs to no one but you.
Exception: Selling your teeth to someone who comes into your bedroom at night while your parents aren't looking. (I blame the tooth fairy for prostitution)

Rule: Lying is a terrible thing to do.
Exception: Unless someone is doing it to you and not the other way around.

Rule: Sharing is mandatory when playing with others
Exception: unless it is your little brother and it is just easier (and I do mean quieter) to let him have it.

Rule: We have plenty and do not beg for things.
Exception: Halloween.

Yep. I do not care for the gray area. It gives me a headache.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I don't know what to do with free time.

It's true. I don't. Which is a little scary, since for the past 5 years or so I have been clinging to the idea of free time as a life preserver. You know, those little mantras that you tell yourself so you can get through the season, the week, the day, or in my case...the next five minutes. Oh, all the glorious things that I will do once I get some free time. If I can just hold out until G is off work, or Monkey is in school a full day, or when I have a (hehehe) day off...then all the fantastic possibilities that I can possibly dream of will await me. So here I am, staring down an entire week of of free time and finding it to be a little terrifying. I had made a little list of things that I would do during my week off from included not picking up or cleaning anything for at least 3 days, taking naps whenever I felt the slightest bit sleepy, reading books for fun, not changing out of my sweat pants all day, letting the laundry pile up, and making the kids' toaster waffles for dinner so I don't have to cook. I have to tell you, it's been three days and I have already accomplished everything on that list. So, what to do now? I desperately want to clean my house, since I think the mess is making me teeter on the brink of mental instability, but I know how fast I will get it done, then I will be back to having nothing to do. EEEEK. I was planning on NOT making a mental to-do list this week because, after all, I'm freeeeee!!!! But really, I need a plan. Or a hobby. Or a job. Something I can accomplish in a week. Like....I have no idea. I even googled it and came up dry. That is indeed how desperate I am. Oh, look, while writing this I have wasted, I mean, constructively used 20 minutes. Only 11,051 minutes to go.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Me: Oh come on. Honestly, I think it is sexy when you do it. I've had to do it by myself all month while you've been gone.

G: Really? This? This turns you on? I'm not doing it. It's your job anyway.

Me: Oh G, don't make me beg. Just do it for me while you're home. Please.....Please?

G: *grumbling* Oh fine. I'll load the dishwasher.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Easy. Open. Tab.

Dear Marketing Executives for Olde Kentucky Ham,

Please change the wording on your cubed ham packaging for the following reasons:

It was not. It did not. There was no such thing.